Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we should paint friendship bongs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
