There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
