Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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