my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
