if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
