I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
