Do you still have your period?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
