last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
