I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
