I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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