Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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