What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This girl is more easily done than said...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
