I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
