It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just had sex on a roof
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
