We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
