In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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