I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
