Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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