Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
