I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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