I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
