she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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