you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
