I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
