someone threw a dead crab at me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
