i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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