I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
