I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
