At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
