Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
