He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
