K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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