yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
