If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
