I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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