yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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