We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
