His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
