when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
