They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to sanitize my soul.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
