sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
