are you so shy because you have an std?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
