She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
