Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
