just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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