Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
