my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
