dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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