btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
