I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
