He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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