Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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