i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
