you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
