smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
