I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
