the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
