I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
