Your tits are I can't wait for
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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